'Don't worry son, intelligence never was the predominant feature in this crime was it?

As it happens, the jeweller does know the ring has been returned, but he also knows it was stolen in the first place so he wants to press charges,' the officer explains.

'What? Even though they've got it back?' Fiz is outraged.

The officer explains, 'However, the decision to prosecute is up to us. As it is your first offence and you don't appear to be a master criminal, we're prepared to give you a caution. A formal warning not to do it again.

On the other hand, if you do retract your statement we'll have to open up the case again. Investigate it, catch you, prosecute you, probably send you down.'

Kirk immediate chirps, 'I'll take the caution!'

Kirk is read the terms of his caution to which he agrees, and Fiz agrees also.

With that, the loving couple are free to leave, but having had a warning from the inspector that he never wants to see either of them again.

Back safely at home, Kirk tells Fiz that he really was going to go to Spain but then he thought the French Foreign Legion would be better, being for broken hearted people. Then he could send her postcards from far away places like Calais and she'd pine for him. But he couldn't find them listed in the Yellow Pages so he went to the British Army recruiting office.

They wanted to know why he didn't want to join them first. Kirk told them that he had been crossed in love. ' They were really nice.

They said I should definitely join the French Foreign Legion, and that the French deserved someone like me,' Kirk tells Fiz proudly.

(Yes, not exactly the brightest bulb in the bunch is he?)

Back in the Rovers, all is forgiven between Tyrone and Kirk and peace reigns supreme.